Self Love :: slowly getting myself there (001)

What is "self love"? Regard for one's own well-being and happiness. -- That's Google's definition of it. But also, self love is also about loving the way you look. These days, so many people - men and women - are trying to change themselves to how society thinks they should look. For a long time, I hated how I looked. Even when I was at my smallest, I still felt I was ugly.

After 3 kids, my body become something I had hated. I have a kangaroo pouch (yes, the flap of fat that hangs from my huge babies, I call my kangaroo pouch), I have extra weight I didn't use to have, I have insane stretch marks, etc etc. I could go on and on.

You know what though? My husband still thinks I'm beautiful. Shouldn't that be enough? Who cares what others say. At the end of the day, who is it that will always be there by your side, holding you while you sleep? Your mate. No one else.

Recent pic with my husband at the aquarium for the kids.

See? Sleeveless. And it's a dress.

One thing I hated most about myself was my arms. I'm still not a fan of them. I would never wear sleeveless shirts because I was too worried about what others would think of my arms. Now that I have three kids, even though they're boys, I don't want them growing up seeing me being worried what others think. I want to set an example for them, that beauty is what's on the inside, and it comes in different forms. So, I've been pushing myself to wear sleeveless shirts. In this Texas heat, I'm surprised I didn't do it sooner. I'm also stepping out of my comfort-zone and trying to wear dresses more.

No one is perfect. There is no such thing as the "perfect" body. There's just you. We all are unique and special. And it's time we start realizing that and stop letting tv, magazines, books, whatever, tell us how we should look, or how we should act.

Be you. Be unique. We only have this one life. Why waste it being someone we're not? That's what I'm working on for myself. Don't get me wrong... I am trying to eat better and lose some weight. But only to be healthy and avoid health problems later in life for as long as possible. My goal is to live a long, happy, and healthy life... loving myself along the way.

Sponsor(s) of the month:

Open Letter :: Motherhood battle scars VS the world

Picture it: You're at the beach with your family. It's hot, but the breeze and water make it manageable. You see people having fun, enjoying it. People of different sizes. Then there's a mom. In a two piece. A good size without looking like a stick, but a little meat to look healthy.

Now comes the comments... you hear others making remarks about the mom you see in the piece; "Her stomach is ugly", "how can she be showing her body in front of everyone?", "that's so disgusting!"

You hear them, and think to yourself, "her's is NOTHING compared to mine! I wish mine looked that good." And you suddenly start feeling low about your body. Thankfully you are wearing clothes to cover up most of you so you won't be talked about that way.

But you know what? There's nothing wrong with her, and there's nothing wrong with you! I've seen big women in bathing suits and thought they were beautiful. I admit, I'm hard on myself. I am one of those women who are afraid to show some skin... especially, the tummy area (with my thousands of stretch marks and kangaroo pouch - thanks to 3 big boys at birth). I wish I wasn't. I'm still learning how to love my body, because without it, I wouldn't have 3 amazing boys!

I read something the other day talking about that we shouldn't care what others think of our looks/personality/whatever, because in the end, this is the only life we have. When we die, we won't be thinking about those who hurt us. We won't be thinking about anything. So we won't feel any regret or guilt. Why do we allow ourselves to suffer now, then? The world tries to force us into certain ways/looks, but they don't matter. What matters is that YOU love yourself the way you are. It's a plus when the hubby still loves you the way you are, too.

I'm really working hard on trying to be less hard on myself, and love my body. Especially, to set a good example for my kids. My oldest son tells me all the time, "you're prettiful, Mommy!" At first, I just kinda shrugged it off. Then I realized, he really does think I am "prettiful." Just like, I still think my mom is beautiful, even if she doesn't think so.

So who cares what others think... as long as you're happy, it doesn't matter what they say. Deep down, they're most likely just jealous. Live life. Enjoy it. Be happy. It's your only one.  

(I think this is more of an open letter to encourage myself...)

Sponsor(s) of the month:

Kids :: gotta love 'em!

Boys Will Be Boys

Two boys, for me, has brought new meaning to the term double trouble. Sure, they look sweet in the photos... but they do get wild! Now that baby boy is getting bigger and older, they are starting to play more together. But that also means, they fight some now, too.

We got them both a new toy the other day. Little man found the baby's new toy and started playing with it. Ok, no problem... until baby boy notices. Then he's screaming because he wants his toy. So I break it up and remind little man he has a new toy, also. Everything should be great now, right? Haha, no! Baby boy then wants his big brother's new toy, so they start to fight over it. A 3 year old and a 10 month old... fighting over toys. What will I do when they get older? When they  become teens? Oh geez. I'm trying hard to help teach them now to share. For the baby, it's a bit hard... but little man is starting to get the idea and has been doing a bit better on sharing. But he has some toys that are special to him he refuses to share, so I tell him to keep them in his room so the baby can't get them.

Sometimes I wonder... if I had gotten a girl like I wanted when I first realized I was pregnant with #2, would it be different? My brother and I are the same age difference as my boys... we never had this problem. But maybe because it was a boy/girl, whereas these are boy/boy.

Anyways... I love my boys. I'll take, and handle, whatever they throw at me. :)

A few times I've gone out, I've had ladies ask me a question that I don't see how they could even think would be true: "are your boys twins?" I can't help but look at the tall boy standing next to me and the chubby baby in the stroller before looking back at them confused if they are talking to someone behind me. After confirming no one is behind me, I realize they are speaking to me. I smile nicely and say no. I just find it funny. I don't see how anyone could look at them and ask that. But then again, I'm not a stranger seeing them for the first time... so maybe? I don't know.

The past week (#1)

For awhile, I haven't been in my usual housewife mood. Been stressed and such, so I've been slacking a bit in the kitchen and cleaning departments. Gave myself a mental slap and have been "trying" to get back to normal.

As for cooking, I've made some frozen yogurt pops. I just used vanilla yogurt and put a strawberry on the bottom, though some had M&M's on the bottom instead. They were good. You can some more recipes for frozen treats over here. I also made my favorite banana bread; vintage banana bread recipe. I didn't have brown sugar for it, so doubled the white sugar. It was still just has good.

Tried 2 new recipes yesterday, and will try one today for dinner. Recipes for those will be posted within the next few days. I have a few meals already prepared in the freezer, just waiting to be cooked. I think I'm getting my groove back.

So what did you do over the week?

Many apologizes!

Forgive me for not updating lately. I don't think anyone reads this enough to miss it anyways, haha. It's been a rough few weeks, some which I will not go into. The baby bump gives me some trouble now and then. Heartburn is constant now, the cramps come and go, and I'm pretty sure I've been having some strong braxton hicks contractions. I never had them with Joey, so it's new to me.

I've been taking Joey to Toddler Time at the library. First time, he slept through it... Second time, he was very social! He's usually very shy, but loved being around so many kids. I'm hoping it helps open him up more.

Tomorrow is the big day! We will find out if baby #2 is a boy or girl! I'm hoping a girl. It would complete our family, plus I want to get my tubes tied and call it quits. My mom feels it's a girl. She was right about Joey being a boy, being born on June 27, and being over 9 pounds. So I'm hoping her gut is right this time too, haha. Plus, with Joey, I did everything the same as my mom when she was pregnant with her first; my brother. And now this one is being the same so far time wise. I'm the second child, and 2 years and 3 months younger than my brother. This baby, will be 2 years and 3 months younger than Joey. It just seems too weird. So if it's a boy, that'll be the one thing that throws the weirdness off track.

I'll try to get back into the swing of updating. I've been trying to find more people to meet but hardly no one responds to me. I don't know how others do it. I guess I have social problems online just as I do offline, lol.

My baby... almost 2 years old? Is that possible?

Next week, will make my little man 22 months old. Exactly 2 months away from being a full 2 year old. Two whole fingers. I still can't process it through my mind. My boy... my sweet little baby boy... 2 years old? It just can't be. It honestly feels like he was just born yesterday. Yesterday... like I just held him for the first time, telling him how handsome he is, how much I love him and can't wait to take him home and be the best mommy I can be. I feel like I blinked and suddenly he's becoming independent, not needing me. I tell him all the time, "you might feel like you won't need me when you get older, but know that if you do, I'm always here." He just looks at me with that breathtaking smile that melts my heart. Our time together is so precious, and in a way, I'm sad that another baby is coming and will cut into our time. But whenever this baby gives me a minute break, that break will go to my little man.

Joey, I hope you always remember that no one will never take your place in my heart. Part of my heart will always belong to you. I changed my life for you. I don't regret it. You were the best change that has ever happened to me. You make me stronger each day. I love you more and more every day. Tomorrow, I'll love you more than today. I'll always be on your side, no matter what. You'll always have my love. No one, or anything, will take that from you. I promise you that. Forever and ever, I love you.

 Before I know it, he'll be in school and realize it's uncool to cuddle/kiss/hug your mom. So you can bet, that I'm soaking up every second that he let's me cuddle him like a baby, give each other kisses, and all the hugs he wants to give me or let's me give. You can bet, I'm not wasting these precious times. And yes, it may look like I'm wasting them right now but updating but he's napping, haha. So I'm helping time pass until he wakes up and we're back to enjoying each other.

Hormones and emotions

My hormones are getting the best of me today. Seems like everything is making me burst into tears. Just watching Joey laugh and play makes me cry. He's amazing. So smart. So unlike any other kid, and I've been around so many babies/kids since I was a baby. Hard to believe he'll be 2 years old soon. My little boy is growing too fast. He needs me less and less each day. He'll be 40 years old and I'll always think of him exactly as he is now... my sweet amazing little boy.

♪ To you, everything's funny

You got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple ♪